In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
