so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
