You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
