the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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