how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize