I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
