I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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