WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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