In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
