Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
