fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My penis needs a shock collar
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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