Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
