It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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