I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
