names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize