saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
