Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
