I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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