whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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