so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
