So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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