i think my mom watched the whole time
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
