I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
