he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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