a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
