All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
