Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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