I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize