i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
