Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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