Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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