omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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