I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
