God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
