whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
