This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
