You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
