I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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