i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
