Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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