he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
