I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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