so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
