I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize