her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
