And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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