You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
