my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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