pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize