He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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