She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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