I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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