Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
