I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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