Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
