I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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