I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
