id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
