And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize