why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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