And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
