I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
