btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
