Sry I called you an 8
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
