STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
