Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
