Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
