I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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