i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
