considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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