How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
