EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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