He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
