There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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