Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
