Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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